Marriage Monday: Is Your Spouse Your Friend?

So many married couples claim that they are married to their “best friend.”

But is your spouse really your friend?

In true friendship, we really try to bring our “A” game. We give the very best of ourselves to another person. We share. We confide. We laugh. We feel. The best of friendships can have feelings so intense, real and wonderful, the relationship can transform us and inspire us to be our best selves.

But do we have these feelings with our marriages? Continue reading

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Marriage Monday: The Rest Of Your…

Hi. I’m the ModernMarriedGuy, and I am guest-posting on my wife’s blog. I don’t like to blog, and I don’t even like to write, but I do love her and will do anything to make her happy. She asked, so here it goes:

After ten-plus years of marriage, here are my observations:

The Rest Of Your is the inner essence of one’s self. Everyone is a person and in marriage, you are that “one” person who is a partner of another “one” person. For the rest of your life, you have to remember that you are working with and in love with a person, another human being. For the rest of your life, you have to give the rest of yours. The rest is up to you.

Saying things like PLEASE and THANK YOU. Helping each other through hard times, sharing each other’s burdens, understanding each other’s ideas, accepting each other’s faults, and putting aside misguided prejudice of each other’s habits takes a lot of practice and patience. But you have to understand that one’s person’s likes is another person’s dislikes. A small example, if your spouse likes sugar on their rice, so what. If you spouse likes mayonnaise with fries, so what.

My wife has this saying that goes something like, “Know who you marry, and like what you know.”

Because if you don’t, things will get old rather quickly, for The Rest Of Your Life.

Cheers,
ModernMarriedGuy

Contact the ModernMarriedGuy at:
Live: labanex@live.com
Lync: aedward@sereant.net
Y!, GTalk, AIM: labanex

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Weekend WrapUp: The Birthday Edition

Well, all truth be told, this has been probably the one of the best weekends I have experienced in 2011 — and not just because it was my birthday (although that didn’t hurt either).

What made it so great was that I took TIME.  I slept. I ate. I cooked. I cleaned. I vegged. I wrote. I Twittered. I Facebooked. I dreamed. I laughed. I read. I walked. I enjoyed. I even blogged.  All the things I haven’t had time time to do regularly in about a year, I took a whole three days to experience and relish. Continue reading

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Starting Over: Another Year In The Life

Yesterday, I turned 43.

Another year older. Definitely wiser. Much more grateful. My eyes have been opened to what is real and what is reality — and to how we create our reality.

I celebrated my 42nd birthday in Chicago, at mother’s house, ashamed and sad and awash with feelings of guilt over all I had lost personally and professionally.

I vowed that day I would die fighting to get it all back, but not the material things. I would fight to get back the thing that really mattered: my pride, my esteem, my sense of self, my center. Continue reading

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My First Blog Award!

I received my very first blog award from the beautiful and accomplished AttorneyToBe!

I really love the spirit of the award; not just to be lauded in one’s own right, but to spread that blog love, similarly gifting other talented bloggers.

I am very happy to do so, as there are so many other amazing writers inthe blogosphere, sharing their stories and their lives with words and images. It is wholly satisfying, educational, inspiring and wonderful.

So in the spirit of passing the positive energy forward, I will post the rules of the award and my nominees to be the next recipients

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Marriage Monday: Marriage Is Serious Business…Plan It!

In days of old, marriage was approached in a very pragmatic fashion: it was more of a merger of sorts. It united land and goods of families, ensured the continuation of blood lines, even stopped wars between tribes.

Marriage was a business, and the act itself constituted a very serious contract for all involved.

Somewhere around the Victorian age, marriage started being less about the merging of lands and more about the merging of hearts. No longer was marriage considered an ends to a means, but an end to a courtship. Stoic pragmatism gave way to a more fanciful romanticism, and people entered marriage more and more with little reason other than love.

While love is a wonderful reason to marry, marriage is such a serious commitment and the institution deserves more consideration than it is usually given. Today, couples spend more time and energy planning for their wedding than they do for the marriage, so it’s little wonder that while the wedding itself goes off without a hitch, the marriages they herald failed at an increasingly alarming rate.

When you fail to plan, you inevitably plan to fail. Continue reading

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Starting Over: Facing The Winds of Change? Be A Willow, Not An Oak

When we think of facing adversity, we usually imagine that we would be stalwart, stoic and strong; we would face all challenges head on, refusing to allow hard time to dissuade us, move us, bend or break us.

And in the current ecomonic storm (more commonly known as “The New Economy”), many are doing just that: staying strong and staying put, regardless of the many signs that indicate going a different way.

Much like the story of Job, even though there are trials and tribulation, our faith and ourselves shall not be moved.

And while there seems to be across-the-board approval for Job’s handling of adversity, the reality is that may not work for those of us currently experiencing hard times. Continue reading

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Marriage Monday: Pay Less Attention To Your Spouse And More To Yourself

It had been one of those days, and the ModernMarriedGuy and I had been having one of those arguments.

It had been a long week, full of stressful moments at work and at home, and both of us were exuding signs of the stress.

Certain conversations lead too easily to arguments over unresolved issues bubbling just beneath the surface of our normally drama-free zone, otherwise known as our marriage.

Just one sentence was all it took. Like a match dropped casually onto a trail of gasoline, the gun had gone off and the verbal wrestling match was ON. Continue reading

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Starting Over: Beware of Judgement Posing As “Advice”

“We’re looking for new furniture. Know of a good place to get reasonably priced new furniture around here?”

I posed this question to a few of my co-workers during a slow period at work a few weeks back. The ModernMarriedGuy and I were proud new apartment dwellers in Austin after a recent period of homelessness, and I was eager to begin furnishing our new digs. I was also tired of trying to make a life in a home that consisted of two twin-sized airbeds.

Some of my co-workers were aware of our previous homeless situation, and knew my family was in process of starting over, rebuilding our lives and downsizing.

And regardless of the fact that I came to work daily, and was doing very well at the job, the looks I received were less than receptive to my query.

In fact, they looked at me as though I was crazy for daring to ask. Continue reading

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Starting Over: Downsized — But Not Down And Out

In the previous post, I mentioned that the ModernMarriedGuy and I are at the point where we are starting over with our lives, and to tell you the truth, as hard and as scary as it sometimes is to be at this point, it’s also pretty darn exciting to have the opportunity to start it all from scratch — and the opportunity to do it smarter and better.

So, in the spirit of sharing and information exchange, I am beginning the Starting Over series here. I want to be able to share the lessons I have learned about smart and sensible living. Continue reading

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