Marriage Monday: Is Your Spouse Your Friend?

So many married couples claim that they are married to their “best friend.”

But is your spouse really your friend?

In true friendship, we really try to bring our “A” game. We give the very best of ourselves to another person. We share. We confide. We laugh. We feel. The best of friendships can have feelings so intense, real and wonderful, the relationship can transform us and inspire us to be our best selves.

But do we have these feelings with our marriages?

The examples of marriage that we are shown ever day in the media don’t usually look like friendships. They look like men and women constantly at odds, playing games to meet selfish and nefarious ends against each other.  Women are in it for the money, men are in it for the …ahem, well you know…and nowhere is it ever mentioned that marriages should be based first and foremost, in respect, love and friendship.

And if men and women are friends, they inevitably fall in bed, “fall in love” (usually in that order) and somewhere along the way the “friendship” gets put aside so the couple can pursue a “relationship.”

Why aren’t these things the same?

A relationship, by definition, is a a connection, association or involvement, based on a mutual emotional bond or by blood. But most modern marriages are portrayed as a game people play.

Your marriage is a RELATIONSHIP.  You spouse is not just your spouse. Remember that at some point, you became friends.

Try treating your spouse like you do your best friend: laugh with them. Share jokes and trade secrets. Discuss things. And, even when there is nothing to talk about, just be. In the same place and the same place, enjoying the physical proximity and sacred silence. Don’t let resentments fester — talk them out. Get to your good friend space — together.

In the end, it will all come back to the two of you. The kids, the jobs, the commitments, the friends — one day, they will all be gone and all you will have is your spouse.

Hopefully, they will also be your friend.

© 2011, Modern Married Chick. All rights reserved.

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About Modern Married Chick

42. Fabulous. Happily married.Blissfully childfree. Dog mommy. Chicago native, Austin resident. Lover of books, wine, food, dinner parties, politics, great conversation, social media, girly things and geeky pursuits. Striving to be the perfect wife -- with a modern twist.
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